Meet the Savages

Roll over your favorite savage for an in-depth, comprehensive biography!

  • Dan
    • Curator of a chamber pot museum.
    • Can fart the alphabet.
    • Absolutely abhors alliteration.
  • Kyle
    • Prefers to wear ass-less chaps around the house, because they’re “practical.”
    • The only man on record to order a sarsaparilla.
    • Made a fortune in Canada by inventing “Spaghetti-Eh’s.”
  • Steve
    • Unlike his brother who was born of an Immaculate Conception, Steve was born of a particularly sloppy conception.
    • Cannot feel pain, unless he’s hurt.
    • He’s had enough of your shit, and he’s tired of hearing it.
  • Greg
    • In high school, was voted “Most Likely.”
    • First man to swim Mount Everest
    • Thinks a “cummerbund” is a breakfast treat.
  • Carl
    • The subject of the documentary, “An Inconvenient Smell.”
    • Hired under the impression that he played the father on “Empty Nest.”
    • Is in the market for a plain, white dress shirt.
  • Jem
    • Used to be involved in underground pillow fighting.
    • Thinks “small talk” is a language for short people.
    • Has an irrational fear of Virginia Woolf.